AN IRKIN SCORNED IS NOTHING TO LAUGH AT
by Tacoom
Summary: this is my first fan fic ever. well Tak comes back to kill Zim but after finding out that his mission was a sham he seems to have lost all hope for conquring earth. will he let the depression destroy him? or will he rise up against the Tallest
1. Chapter 1

I do not own any of the characters depicted in this story they all belong to Nickelodeon and Jhonen Vasquez. Also I used a couple of my favorite parts from certain episodes these of which I also don't own.

Authors Note(this is my very first attempt at a fan fiction so please review, flame it or praise it, any feedback will be greatly appreciated thanks for reading.)

In the outer reaches of space along the asteroid belt, a small ship speedily races toward its goal. Inside the craft an Irkin being sits at the controls dodging and weaving through the hordes of rocks at break-neck speed. A look of pure hatred burning in her violet eyes as she climbed out of the sea of asteroids toward her destination which she had been waiting so long to get to "Finally" she sighed "Another couple of days and I would've gone insane with the SPACE MADNESS"

She had been flying through cold space for six months now with no other company besides her small robotic companion Mimi who was now contently curled up on her lap purring softly. Running her nails through the sleek, black, metallic fur her mind wondered back to the day her life had a turn for the worse. Her teeth ground at the reminiscence of the whole ordeal and the one being who had been responsible for all her misery and pain for the past two years.ZIM.

That name that haunted her dreams every night which only served to fuel her need for one thing ……revenge. Suddenly the online computer chimed in its low mechanical voice." Madam we are now approaching final destination on to planet Earth do you wish to deploy landing operation "Don't Crash Into Thingy"

"Yes computer plot our course and lock in on Invader Zim, when you are done and we have passed this planets atmosphere activate cloaking device I don't want any attention drawn to us" The computer then went to its duties leaving its captain to her own devices.

"Now Mimi I shall finally get what I've wanted for the past 2 years out here" wringing her hands menacingly "Revenge on Zim for ruining my life and happiness, oh Zim, you shall rue the day you ever crossed Tak the greatest invader to ever serve under the all mighty Tallest".

With that she let out an evil laugh as her craft made its decent to the little unsuspecting planet and unsuspecting boy named Zim

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

Down on Earth in a dark city a large building with 'Skool' printed on the front a gathering of children are circled around two boys chanting "Fight, Fight, FIGHT!"

The first child was a 14 year old boy in a long black trench coat that flew just above his black boots. His glasses glinting off the sun on his uncommonly large head, his greasy black hair fitted to a scythe shape on top.

Opposite him another boy same age (at least in physical appearance) keeps a close watch on his opponent. His tight fitting black and red stripped shirt clung to his green skin.

"So Zim how did you like my surprise attack on you in the lunch room today?" said the large head kid. Zim fixed him with a death glare.

"Stupid pathetic Dib how dare you throw this PORK COW at the head of all powerful Zim" he said holding up a muffin.

"It's a muffin you idiot what kind of human doesn't know what a muffin is HUH HUH" looking around for support from his classmates and getting none as usual except a few "He's crazy" from a few of them." Oh come on he has green skin and no ears he's an alien I tell you an alien!" Zim took this opportunity to insult Dib even further.

"I already explained that it's a skin condition Dib beast your just merely INSANE with all your paranormal blah blahing maybe it has finally melted your measly Earth child brain"

Some of the onlookers started to laugh at Zim's comment but all ultimately left having seen this exact scenario play out for too many years to care much about the outcome. Glaring at each other they both got ready to fight.

"Let's end this Zim right here, right now"

"For once in your pitiful existence I agree with you lets finish it"

But before they could do anything a black shadow crept up quickly and snatched them both off there feet before either could react and whisked them both back into the Skool building. Now both Dib and Zim were staring into the cold, mean, heartless, eyes of their homeroom teacher Mrs. Bitters.

Well that about does it for this chapter hope you all enjoyed it but if you didn't go ahead and flame it so ill know what to fix in the next chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

Once again I don't own any of the characters from Invader Zim (although if I did the show would still be on the air) anyway I suppose ill have to do this every chapter so I might as well grin and bear it.

On with chapter 2.

Both of them quivered under the doom gaze of Mrs. Bitter's thick rimmed glasses. Although she was snarling the two couldn't help but continue their argument until with a wave of her hand she silenced them both.

"Silence the both of you" she rasped out "I've had to deal with a lot of filthy children over the years, but I'm at the at the end of my rope with you two"

"But Mrs. Bitters it was Zim's fault he started it"

"Lies the filthy Earth boy lies he was the one who began the"

"I said be quiet, now as I was saying day after day I have had too endure your constant bickering about nothing" slithering over placing a hand on both their shoulders "If it were up to me I would have you both sent to the Detention Hall of Doom that this school used to have until" snarling, "it was deemed cruel and unusual punishment by the board of education, so I'm going to suspend you two for a week so I can teach my class and while your away from school I suggest you learn too get along or I'll be forced to send you both to your doom, doom, doom,"

This went on for a while until the bell rang letting them both be on their way home. Both were steaming but a week apart gave them time to formulate the demise of the other. Dib could make plans to infiltrate Zim's base and expose him, and Zim could think of more ways to kill, maim, and or destroy Dib to his fullest extent.

Upon reaching his house he really wondered if his family would really even care about being suspended from school knowing immediately that his father Prof. Membrane would be all too busy with some invention or other to really care. Walking in his sister Gaz was where she usually was glued to the TV with the newest version of Vampire Piggy Slayer on her new Gameslave.

"Hey Gaz, man did I have a rough day" throwing his laptop and bag on the chair before going into the kitchen. "First that idiot Zim starts a fight with me and now I'm suspended for a week can you believe"

"Listen Dib I don't care what stupid Zim did today so just leave me alone or I will destroy you" with that she went back to playing her video game. This was not unusual for Dib as his sister was slightly anti social. As he turned the corner a floating screen smacked him right in the face. His fathers face on the screen, his hair the same as Dib only longer, his face hidden by his lab coat and goggles.

"Son I just received a call from your teacher saying that you got suspended from school for fighting with your little green friend"

"He's not my friend dad he's an evil alien bent on the destruction of mankind and the domination of the world" he said non-chalantly "And all I did was throw a stupid muffin at him" smiling to him self.

"Oh my poor insane son, well maybe you should take this week to try and get along with …….. No wait that's not right you've got the mixture all WROOOOOONG!"

The screen went blank and a large explosion was seen across the other side of town. Taking a box of juice with him he headed up to his room. It was dark except for the dim glow of the computer screen with a Bigfoot saver. The night was warm enough so he decided to go up onto the roof and look at the stars as he liked to do. Staring up into the night sky he could only wonder what sorts of people were out there among the galaxies.

Zim reaching his base still extremely perturbed by the afternoon's events entered the house with his robo parents with their usual greeting of "Welcome home son" before returning to the closet. Once inside he could safely remove his wig allowing his thin antennae to stretch out, and removing his contacts to reveal two large crimson eyes.

"Gir come to Zim" he commanded. As quickly as he said it a tiny robot ran up with excitement.

"Hi there master I'm just watching the scary monkey show" pointing to the television depicting a large monkey just staring back at them.

"Gir you know I despise that monkey now turn it off we have much to do" Reluctantly he turned it off and followed his master to the bathroom. Standing in the toilet it lowered them down to the base underneath. Once there he couldn't contain his rage any longer.

"Arrghhh that filthy Earth Dib always in my way with his big head of……. stuff, how I despise him, taking over this planet would be so much more pleasant with out his interfering"

"I like Dib master" the little robot chimed in "His head is big I can ride it like a moose"

well that's the end of chapter 2 so review please I will R&R if you do


	3. Chapter 3

ARRRRGGG you know I don't own the characters why must we do this WHYYYYYY! Oh that's right so I don't get sued cause their not getting my mini moose EVER! Oh well here's chapter 3 and I have to take this opportunity to apologize to my reviewer because I promised that id'e have more Tak but it just didn't work out so I'm sorry next chapter I pinky swear will be all Tak. So on with the chapter.

(a/n) hope I didn't fall too much OOC in this.

It was hard for Zim to focus on anyone project, his brain being flooded with Dib destroying. Finally not being able to concentrate on his work and Gir constantly playing with Pig he would be a fool for even trying. So he decided to take his aggressions out in the training room.

The room was a large empty dome surrounded by holographic projectors lining the walls. Zim walked into the middle of the room and addressed the computer.

"Computer run training simulation DOOKIE" then the room instantly changed into what looked like the outside of the cauldasak except for one small detail, Dib in the middle of the street holding a club.

"I will make you suffer large alien" said the hologram. Zim only laughed and raised himself up on his PAK legs glaring at his opponent.

"I guess this will have to do for now until this ……suspension thing is over with then I can send Dib to his gooey fate oh such goo there will be" lunging at the hologram with one of his spider legs which the Dib dodged.

The computer had recorded Dibs movements the many times he was in the base since he didn't have any video games to play so he created a very realistic opponent for Zim to train with. This went back and forth for a while until Zim had had enough and incinerated the hologram with a large square laser from the four legs of his PAK. Then Zim's antennae perked up with an idea.

"I know I will call the Tallest up and request a death ray with which I will melt Dib into a smoldering pile of …… not Dib stuff"

He immediately got to the controls and made the call.

Back on the Massive Tallest Red and Tallest Purple were enjoying a box of doughnuts and kicking around a service drone when they were interrupted by one of the ships navigators.

"My Tallest incoming transmission from Earth from Invader Zim"

Red turned with a disgusted look on his face at the mere mention of Zim. "Let me guess (imitating Zim) the mighty Zim needs weapons to conquer Earth for I am Zim" Tallest Purple laughed doughnut crumbs falling out of his mouth.

"Now that's funny (cough) but don't you think this has gone on far enough I mean c'mon huh huh"

"Yes I suppose your right for once the little idiot has gotten on my nerves lately but this could really hurt him maybe even bring him to the point of self-termination" they both just looked at each other until they both burst out laughing at the thought. "Ok commander patch him through"

In a moment Zim's face appeared on the screen saluting his exalted leaders. "Greetings my Tallest just making the monthly report in and asking of your generosity in aiding me in the destruction of the filth worm planet I"

"No Zim" said Red "No tanks no star cruisers no weapons no nothing" Zim looked flabbergasted.

"But my Tallest I'm so close to taking over the humans I can feel it in my squeedily spooch"

"Listen Zim this was fun for a while but now you've become a nuisance so I'm going to say this very slowly you…..are…..not….a….real…..invader" Red awaited for the little failure to start crying and balling but it never came, all there was, was laughter.

"Oh my Tallest your sense of humor fills me with much glee but seriously about those weapons I mentioned"

Red was now agitated at Zim's stupidity while Purple was sitting on a couch with a bucket of popcorn giggling. "Oh Zim your so naïve tell um Red tell um that we only sent him as an invader was for him to die out in space oh boy oh boy this'll be good" Zim could only watch with attention as red spoke.

"Yes Zim he's correct, after your little fiasco in Operation Impending Doom1 where you destroyed nearly half of Irk we needed a way to be rid of you so we told you that you were an invader and blasted you off hoping for your demise which to my dissatisfaction never came….. and to prove this is no joke" pushing a button on his console, a large claw grabbed Zim's hand while another burned an Irkin word into his forearm which caused Zim to yelp a little until he was released, holding on to the burnt flesh and cringing. With a little difficulty he made out the word which sent him straight to his knees tears beginning to form in his eyes.

"Banished" he whispered "But why my Tallest I have done everything for you and the good of the Irkin race" he pleaded for an answer.

"Because you are an embarrassment to us Zim, a blemish on our society" Purple chimed in "Yeah and short too" before Red shoved him out of the way.

"Therefore Zim since you entertained us for so long we will let you live on Earth and keep your base but be warned, you come back to Irk or even enter Irkin territory you will be shot down and executed" Finally finding his voice Zim spoke.

"Mmy Tallest please give Zim another chance I'll do better much better im really good at destroying thing an"

"Your transmission capabilities to the massive and Irk will be disabled after conversation ends which is ……now"

Then the monitor went blank leaving the little Irkin alone to wallow in the dark. How could this be? 'This must be some nightmare, or a side affect from all the human shit food I have to eat' he started to slap himself trying to wake up. But this was no dream, it was real, he was really banished, the burn on his arm was proof of that. His whole life had been a lie, his mission; everything in the past 5 years he'd spent on this planet was all a joke. Just then the computer chimed in.

"Umm sir there is a human girl in a cookie ninja uniform at the main entrance"

"Get the gnomes to deal with her" he said absentmindedly.

"The gnomes seem to be offline for some reason"

"Then have Gir attend to it Gir … Gir where are you" turning around he saw the little robot running on his side in a circle on the floor shouting "Im runnin woo Im runnin woo hoo and now im dancin" as he sat up and began break dancing.

Deciding against it Zim put back on his wig and contacts and headed to the door. Upon opening it he was immediately knocked back harshly into the couch. The little girl then shed her holographic disguise to show the face of a very angry very dangerous Tak.

Well that's it for chapter 3 it's a long one I know but it's a goodin' anyway hope I stayed slightly in character but its hard to let Zim be Zim when his whole life was destroyed in an instant so be gentle if you review thanks for reading HEADLESS CLOWN HEADLESS CLOWWWWN!


	4. Chapter 4

Here we are once again with the copyright stuff oh well better just lay back and except it I guess I don't own Invader Zim and I never will all I own is the concept of the story ITSS MINEEEEE!

(A/N) here comes the fluff it's not much but it'll be enough for you fluff hunters out there it'll get juicer in later chapters. On with chapter 4.

Zim couldn't believe his eyes, but there she was after 3 years looking as menacing as she ever did. A little shaken by the blow Zim rose to his feet to meet her, she was exactly as he'd remembered her except for her being a little taller and the large ray gun in her hands which was currently pointed right at his head.

"Hello Zim It's so nice to see you again, you remember Mimi don't you?" The little black cat now turned into her SIR form and pointed an equally big gun at Zim. Immediately pulling out a long tazer staff from his PAK and got into a fighting stance. He may have been distraught a moment ago but all that had to take a backseat for now.

"Unfortunately I don't feel the same way Tak, how dare you presume to invade my base again thinking I would just let you take control I am the all mighty Zim so leave now before you invoke my wrath any more puny Tak thing" Tak only laughed .

"Oh Zim your so naïve that's only part of my plan but the main reason im here is to destroy you" smiling at the thought.

"Well then my dear Tak you will be slightly disappointed, cause I won't let you take my life so easily" raising himself on his Pak legs, gripping his weapon tightly.

"That's the Zim I came to kill the egomaniacal little worm that can't help but revel in his own self importance, I'll show you who the superior one is"

The fight began with Tak taking a shot at Zim, missing, and then rolling out of the way of one of the PAK legs. 'He's gotten better' she thought dodging another attack and retaliating with another blast. GIR meanwhile was watching from the couch clapping his hands at the excitement until a stray laser blew off his right arm to which he responded "Yay" and retrieved a samich from his head and began eating it.

Tak achieved a direct hit on one of the legs causing Zim to lose his balance and fall to the floor right on a rubber piggy. Zim charged Tak dodging laser shots eventually knocking the weapon to the floor. His little victory was short lived as Tak slashed Zim's arm with her claws, causing him to back away, blood running down his hand. Tak laughed.

"You're going to have to keep your guard up if you ever hope to beat me Zim"

"Zim was now on one knee from the pain and the deep wound. Seeing an opening she lunged at him with all her might to deliver a killing blow. Zim looked up and quickly kicked his foot up, grabbed both her wrists and flipped her, him now on top of her his weapon to her throat.

"No Tak you should keep your guard up" still holding her wrists with one hand and his knees on her shoulders pinning her in place. Struggling to escape she screamed.

"Let me up you, you, ghastly little worm!"

Zim watched as she squirmed under him it was satisfying in a way. Raising the electrode from his weapon about to deliver the finish the job she yelled "The Tallest will avenge me I'm the real invader not you!"

Then she saw something she never thought was possible, his eyes welled up with tears, his face in a state of sadness. He took the weapon from her throat and released his grip on her wrists, and then he got up and turned his back to her still holding his arm.

"Your right Tak I have no right to denie your request, so go ahead and kill me im less then nothing now" he said solemnly. Tak took this opportunity to retrieve her pistol and once again pointed it at Zim's head. She decided to goad him a little "What the all mighty Zim doesn't want to play anymore c'mon Zim at least die with a little dignity fight me!"

He looked at her sadly "I have no dignity left to give so if you would please hurray and finish me off I'd"

"What is this some sort of trick, you don't think ill do it, I came looking for a fight and im going to get one so turn and face me" he turned and gave a half hearted smile a single tear falling from his eye before collapsing on the floor.

No this wasn't how it was supposed to be, he was supposed to fight to the bloody end making her victory all the more enjoyable. He wasn't supposed to show mercy or ….. cry ….. like that. This wasn't going the way she wanted to, and that look he had given her it was so sad and pathetic like a dog with its tail between its legs. Her train of thought was interrupted by the sight of the green blood pooling around Zim's body. Then she did something she never though she'd EVER do, she ran over to Zim, lifted him in her arms, and rushed him to the medical wing of the base.

In the elevator Zim wrapped his arms around her neck and buried his head in her chest saying only "I love you giant nourishment giving robot arm" before slipping back into unconsciousness. She blushed a deep purple muttering "you did that on purpose you little twit".

Down in the medical lab she placed Zim on a big metal table, grabbed a clamp and what appeared to be a soldering tool she went to work closing up the wound on his arm. He had lost a lot of blood, so she attached a bag of synthetic blood to an IV and injected it into him, causing a slight stir from him. Then she just sat there watching him, not taking her eyes off him for a second, out of distrust mind you.

All the while she stared in fascination as he slept, his slow breathing, his long tongue sticking out, he even looked slightly ……… cute …….. but in a defenseless pathetic way.

"No, no, no, I can't have these thought cloud my brain, he's the enemy the seed from which my hate grows, and im here to annihilate him not ogle him".

"_**Then why did you save him, you could've let him bleed to death you know"**_

"Well I just wanted a better fight that's all, I came all this way and I expect to get what I want"

"_**He could've killed you back there but he didn't why do you think that is hmmm"**_

"I don't know maybe he got weird from blood loss" she realized that she was having a load discussion with her brain and stopped. Walking back to the table she noticed his glove was burned and picked up his hand to examine the damage. Looking at the burn closely she saw it was a brand mark with a single Irkin word. Banished, going across his forearm. She guessed the Tallest had had their fun and told him the truth about his mission like she had in their first encounter.

Then she remembered his face when she had said he wasn't a real invader. It was like all the fire inside him had been extinguished in an instant. The news must've broken him. All the hate she had harbored for him seemed to melt away from her body, even she wasn't this cruel to him, and she couldn't imagine what it must be like for him now, no home to go to, spit upon by his own people, then being built up by the Tallest then having them bring his whole world come crashing down in an instant. A tear escaped her eye as she leaned down and kissed the burn mark tenderly before laying her head down on the table and falling asleep, Zim's hand interlaced with hers.

That's chapter 4 I really am proud of this chapter but I was nervous about how to approach the ZATR matter so this is how it starts. Just a little subtle for now. Next chapter will probably be Dib heavy so be prepared. By the way haven't decided on whether to give Dib a love interest. A lot of these usually have Dib fighting over Tak so if you have any suggestions let me know. Thanks for reading smell you poop dogs later next chapter comin soon


	5. Chapter 5

You know I don't own Invader Zim or the characters so lets just get to the story shall we?

Dib usually could come up with one scheme or another to ruin Zim's life in one way or another but he had nothing. Something about this time was different, something had gotten to him. It was the same every time they met: one would start a fight; they'd throw insults back and forth for a while, rough each other up a little, then go on about their business the next day the same thin would happen again, and again. The repetitiveness was really getting old for him.

No one understood that he was their only thing standing in the way of Zim and his plans for world conquest, half baked though they were, could work without Dib stopping him at every turn. Sometimes he just wanted to lie down and let the coming madness of Zim's race take over. Then they would be sorry they hadn't listened to him in the first place, sometimes it seemed the human race wasn't really worth saving, but those thoughts went away when he would realize that this was his planet too, and he had to protect his family, no matter how they treated him. Maybe he could bum rush Zim's base and try for a quick take down. 'Yeah, I've been going about this all wrong I could just kill Zim and finally be done with it' he thought.

But could he really do it, kill Zim; it had been the bane of his existence for some years now. He couldn't really think of a world with out Zim and his idiotic plans. Plus, the idea of actually killing something wasn't very pleasant, maybe studied thoroughly, but not dead. All this thinking was starting to hurt his head so he went down to the weight room to blow off a little steam.

Their were weight benches and dumbbells along the floor, along with other fitness equipment. Dib had taken an interest in muscle building in 7th grade when one particular atomic weggie given by Torque had sent him off the edge. He leg sweeped Torque to the ground and pummeled the shit out of him. Dib may have been small, but he was fast and agile. This had proved to be his strength as he could dodge Torques slow punches and return with a straight volley of his own. After the fight the physical abuse had stopped but the name calling continued from his fellow students.

In the center of the room was a punching bag with Zim's face imprinted on the front a little crinkled from all the abuse it had taken. After Torque he realized that agility had won over brute strength so his workout routine allowed him to build only so much muscle leaving him small but cut.

Today he only wanted to work with the punching bag for obvious reasons, getting into a white muscle shirt and black sweats before going at the bag focusing most of his blows on the face on the bag. This continued until he couldn't throw one more punch so he leaned up against the bag to catch his breath. He'd been so busy with his training that he didn't notice Gaz standing in the door way, who had been watching him for sometime before he turned suddenly.

"What do you want Gaz" saying a little annoyed, he really wasn't in the mood for her attitude at the moment also his adrenalin was running high so he tried to keep calm.

"Just wanted to see what you do in here, my stupid Gameslave is busted and I was wondering if you err could fix it for me since your such a techno geek and all"

"Listen Gaz I'm busy as you can see, so if your not here to destroy me I would appreciate it if you left, ill fix your little game later, right now I've got work to do, pttt, like you really care" he then turned back to the punching bag ready for round 2.

"But I do care Dib" her amber eyes showing and her voice a little more enthusiastic then she liked. She realized what she'd done and closed her eye's shut again and said "wait no I don't, whatever" closing the door behind her.

Gaz's sudden outburst had broken Dib's concentration allowing the bag to come back around and smack him in the face putting him to the ground. "That was weird oh well" he said rubbing the back of his head.

Just outside the door Gaz stood in the hallway looking weirded out. 'That's not the first time this has happened like when Dib said he had fate of the world stuff to do and I remember wanting to go though I didn't know why I even asked if I could go, whatever"

Getting back to smashing Zim's head in until he was too tired so he just stared at the face of his enemy for quite a while he could swear that it was laughing at him in Zim's evil way of laughing. That was when he decided it had to end it was either going to be Earth or Irk.

"Well Zim looks like its finally time to see who really is the superior race is" punctuating the statement with one final punch before changing back into his trench coat, grabbing the tazer staff he'd gotten from Tak's ship before heading for the door. Looking back only once to see his sister in the kitchen banging her Gameslave against the counter with a snarl across her face.

'If I don't win I really pity the Irkin who gets in her way' hr thought with a smile.

"Alright Zim here I come"

Back at Zim's base, Zim was still unconscious and recovering while Tak occupied herself with various little chores, not forgetting to check on Zim's condition every once and a while. She had repaired the door, the wall, and the sofa and tidied up here and there.

"Jeeze that SIR unit sure can mess up a flat if I ever saw one" picking up all the empty bags and boxes from Krazy Taco and Choky Chicken. Then she heard a load crash from outside but before she could check what caused it the door was, once again, blown apart. Standing in the massively gaping hole stood Dib holding what looked to be her battle staff and a water balloon gun in the other hand.

"It's doomsday for you Zim and I'm the one bringing the doom…..thingy….doombringer…..guy"


	6. Chapter 6

Plain and simple I don't own Invader Zim or the characters I only own the concept of the story.

Dib had made it through the houses defenses easier then he expected since Tak had disabled the main computer brain before confronting Zim. She was regretting this at the moment slapping her forehead at her forgetfulness but she had been 'preoccupied' with Zim to remember to switch it back on.

Seeing Tak again shocked Dib a bit, as he backed up a little "Tak, what are you doing here, I thought Zim sent you hurtling through space in a broken ship last time we met and why are you cleaning?" seeing the bags of trash in her hands.

"Do you have any idea how long it takes to repair Irkin machinery without a central computer DO YOU!" knowing full well she'd be repairing it again which really pissed her off. Also, who was he to just waltz in on official Irkin territory and start tearing things apart, a crime punishable by death.

"So this houses defenses are down huh, good, makes my job all the easier, now where's Zim I've got a surprise for him" sparking the staff a couple times.

"First of all you idiot child Zim's not here, I'm also waiting to destroy him and I will be the soul provider of his doom, second barging in on Irkin territory like you just have can be considered an act of war, so I'd suggest you run along before you do something else you'll regret" she was trying her best to get him to leave knowing that Zim was still in the medical bay resting, and helpless in his state. Besides she had a little steam to blow off from the door and Dib's head on a plate sounded about right at the time. Dib only gave a look of unsatisfaction pulling out a little screen and examining it carefully.

"Your lying my sensors indicate that Zim is somewhere on the second floor of the underground portion of this place and I'm going to find him so back off."

Nobody gave Tak orders except the Tallest and Tak "And if I refuse what are you going to do about it Dib" pulling her gun "Last chance worm boy leave now and I won't vaporize that massive head of yours."

"My heads not BIG why does everyone keep saying that I …. Wait your trying to confuse me"

"Alright but don't say I didn't warn you lets have a go at it shall we?"

They stared at each other waiting for the other to make a move until Tak was going for a shot when the sound of footsteps alerted both of them and a shadow cast on the floor. Zim was limping at best and looking weary, Tak didn't expect this and quickly looked back to Dib who had a smug smile on his face when he saw Zim in the condition he was in which made Tak's blood boil. Then Zim turned to Dib completely ignoring Tak.

"Hello Dib beast, so I see you were able to penetrate my defenses a feat not easily done"

"What are you talking about I've gotten into your base plenty of times you jerk this time it was just easier"

Hanging his head a little lower "Yes, yes, but seriously as you can see I'm in no condition to fight you Dib so I concede my defeat take me away to be studied and all that maybe your Earth scientists will find a use for me cause I sure don't know of any"

Dib just stood there looking like he'd just had a heart attack, Zim was giving up? He'd won? It was over?

"So that's it I won"

"That's what I just said HAVE YOU THE EAR MAGGOTS"

Tak couldn't believe what she was hearing, letting him be taken to be studied like some common animal. No he didn't deserve that after all he had to go through and now this she would have none of it.

"Zim are you crazy or just dumb you can't ju-"

"Stay out of this Tak it doesn't concern you" he snapped to her before facing Dib awaiting the cuffs Dib already had pulled out. "Well I guess I'll actually get to see if these things really do render an alien unconscious," clicking them open with a smile.

Tak wasn't about to give up that easily, she had her own reputation to uphold after all. She had to find something to help Zim aside from killing Dib which the option was becoming increasingly enticing, didn't assure Zim's safety from himself. This had to be a real solution. Then she thought of something, it was risky but desperate times.

Running over to Zim she grabbed his arm and presented the banishment mark to Dib.

"Do you see this lettering Dib, this states that Zim has been banished from Irk and is therefore no longer a solider of the military, or an invader and to prove this is no lie ill translate it for you" grabbing a tiny screen and running it along the wording showing the word banished in English

'How dare she allow him to revel in my misery that information is mine and mine alone.'

Dib read it but his face didn't change "So I can still prove aliens exist with him"

"Actually, according to Irkin law # 237b stats that all banished Irkins become automatic citizens of whatever planet they are banished to or inhabit at the time of the banishment so like it or not Zim is now an official Earthling and is protected as such by the Irkin government from prejudice so what do you have to say to that" she said matter of factly

Dib's jaw had never left the floor through out the entire law recital. Neither of them had won, Zim couldn't very well destroy the planet he had to live on, and Dib couldn't risk an intergalactic war with Zim's people for the sake of one outcast. But now it felt like a burden had been lifted from him, he didn't have to worry about stopping Zim anymore. He was free to go after all the other paranormal phenomenon he wanted. Reaching down he helped Zim to his feet.

"Zim I ugh look I know we have our differences you trying to destroy the world and me … not letting you but it looks like you'll be here a while so maybe we could find a way to co exist maybe become friends.

"Yes Dib beas- I mean Dib seeing as how I am in need of an ally at the moment I will accept your terms for now"

"Ok then see you later space boy" as he left out the front door.

Zim couldn't help but wonder something about what Tak had said about law #237b which instead of being a citizenship law it stated that all maintenance personal in the palace was to wear jalurian intestine around their necks on Tuesdays. And why had she helped him after nearly killing him?

"Hey Tak I have a question for you where are you staying anyway?"


	7. Chapter 7

(A/N)Hello everyone sorry I haven't updated in a while been busy with working so here is a new chapter for y'all. And also thank you so much to my reviewers they really have been helping me along.

Once again I don't own Invader Zim seems Nickelodeon beat me to the punch.

Zim couldn't believe what was happening, first he learned the horrible truth about his mission, then he was accosted by Tak his mortal enemy, banished from Irk forever, and even more surprising having Tak save him from not only bleeding to death but stopping Dib from destroying him. All within one day! Then there was the whole Tak moving in business which had gone surprisingly well, a few laser blasts aside. All Zim wanted to do now was get some rest, watch a little TV and figure what he was going to do for the rest of his life cycle on this miserable ball of dirt. He was just settling down on the couch, there was no Tak shouting orders around, no GIR throwing a filth ridden pig around the house and no Dib. Ah Golden silence.

CRASH!

No such luck for Zim as GIR came crashing through the window shouting "I beat you!" and running in circles until he tripped and hit his head instantly changing his focus on making waffles.

"I'm gonna make me some waffles" a loud banging in the kitchen following the outburst.

Tak walked in through the front door eyeing the now newly broken window making her grind her teeth at the mere thought of having to fix something else in this shoddy excuse for a base. Zim had been lying around eating pork flesh out of a bag and not helping with even the most minor repairs plus he had gotten a little chubby from not keeping up with his training schedule. It was sad in a ……… pathetic kinda way. Having his whole existence destroyed in less then a day was bad, a given, but looking like a korblat after giving birth was out of the question. She put down the snacks she had purchased and strolled over to Zim sitting right beside him on the other end of the sofa.

"Zim listen you are going to get some training in today, your arm is healed and are fully capable of doing whatever it is that you do" she putting this as an order, not a request. Banished or not he was still Irkin and still represented their race on this planet.

Zim looked at her in a childish way "I don't wanna besides Intestines of Doom is on in thirty minutes I must see the DOOOOOOOM"

Tak had been noticing this routine for a while him pouting until he got what he wanted, in all honesty she found it quite adorable the first time but now it had to stop. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a mirror holding it in front of Zim.

"What the AHHHH AAHHHHHH GET IT AWAY IT BURNS!"

"Yes Zim you see what these (picking up the bag) Pork meats will do to you they have made you looking like one of those disgusting humans you see on fat shows" She really didn't mind Zim taking on a couple pounds considering his small stature in Irkin terms but a fit Zim looked so much sexier.

'Stop thinking that way stupid brain'

"Oh yes Tak I shall become muscular once again and I will be the most muscular Irkin EVAH, by the way why do you care so much about my appearance anyways?" Zim inquired. Quickly she had to think of a way to cover her steadily violeting cheeks.

"It's because I also have to live here and I don't want to stare at a massive glob every second".

"Ok ill be going to the Dib persons house now I talked to him at school and he suggested that we train together he must want to know my secret to successful combat techniques that have thwarted him in the past" Giving a heroic pose and headed toward Dibs house.

Tak watched him leave as soon as he was out of shouting range she did just that.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

How could this be she wasn't some ditzy swooning Irkin female she was a solider, first and foremost, there was no way she could have these emotions. She decided to go to the shooting range under the base to cool off. Upon arriving she put up many non- descript targets and one of Zim's head at the end of the run. She blasted every one target with accurate precision then she came to Zim's head. Her hand moved to the trigger but something held her back no matter how hard she twisted the gun, she couldn't blast it and she knew the only logical explanation could be. She was in love. Moving up to the picture she looked into its eyes deep and crimson and planted a kiss right on its lips.

'Well' she thought 'At least he's cute'

Now there was only one thing left to do.

Tell him, and tonight would be that night.

(A/N) hey all thought this chapter came out ok next chapter will be Zim's perspective of whats up with Tak at Dib's house. All the Romance is gonna come together next chapter so get your tissues at the ready. And I want to once again thank my reviewers for supporting me THANK YOU!


	8. Chapter 8

(A/N) hey everybody I'm really sorry about not keeping up I just started a new job and it sucks up all my time so I really couldn't update anything. The reviews I've received have really helped so please keep reviewing. Well that's all I have to say for now on with the DOOM.

Zim walked along the street humming to himself as the morbidly obese baby truck zoomed past him with the fat baby statue spinning around on the roof.

'What is actually in that truck' he thought. He walked a little differently though through the dark city with a new respect for it. Oh he still loathed every puny thing that inhabited it but the fact that this was now his home planet made him care a little more. He spied Dib's house from a mile away kind of hard to miss that giant telescope. Dib in his opinion had been a worthy foe for all intensive purposes though he could never even dream of matching his own greatness. Now mortal enemies had become friends though they still liked the idea of ripping the others guts out and feeding it to them.

Zim came upon the house it giving off it's usual blue glow from the laboratory downstairs, knocked and was greeted by a quick kick to his shin by non other then the master herself.

"What are you doing here Zim shouldn't you be, oh I don't know not here, or something," she said with her sarcastic tone. She wore her usual outfit with the skull necklace. Zim was now jumping up and down on one foot trying to rub the sting out of his shin. It REALLY hurt.

"I was invited you Dib sister thing your brother wanted to have an audience with Zim, so is he here," walking in quickly to which Gaz snarled shook her fists.

"Yeah he's up in his stupid room so why don't you join him before I destroy you" she said kicking a clump out of the wall to extenuate her point to which Zim made his way up the stairs a little quicker. She among Dib was another human that he despised but respected because she hated people almost as much as he did. When he finally got to the room it was dark all but except the computer screen that illuminated Dib's head making it seem even bigger if that were possible. Dib had heard Zim come in and acknowledged him with a simple nod, Zim returned one back and sat down on the bed. Dib was busy writing a new status report to his Swollen Eye superiors that he had given up on the alien and was going to track down some rat people in the mall parking lot. That one woman who said she once was a man scared him but thought it was worth a look into. He finished and turned on the lights and looked at Zim for a second. It was strange one day you try to kill this person the next you invite him over. The passing of the ice cream truck with the Austrian guy telling everyone how much they needed ice cream snapped him out of the trance.

"So you wanna head down to the gym that is why you came over isn't it" he said

"Yes Dib I have found your technique in battle most interesting and I wish to understand it better so that if you, oh I don't know, DECIDE TO TURN ON ME LIKE A SPINLESS WORM PERSON, then I would know how to defend myself better though I am already pretty great" he said. Dib snickered and motioned Zim to follow.

They made they're way down to the training room and Zim was slightly impressed at the structure of it, except the punching bag with his face on it. Dib smiled and gave it a good punch before pressing a button and all the equipment moved back and a ring came up. He again motioned Zim to come into the ring. Zim was a bit weary but got in and stood opposite Dib, who brought out 2 pairs of light weight gloves. He preferred them for speed and handed a pair to Zim who laughed as he put them on.

"Oh Dib you truly wish to challenge Zim in hand to hand combat hahahahahaha ok I'll humor you"

"That's good Zim because until 3 minutes is up this is a real fight so you better be ready" They looked at each other and smiled maniacally as the bell rang. Dib went straight for the kill throwing fast, calculated, punches right at Zim which Zim dodged with effort. He had never actually been in a hand to hand with Dib so fighting him was a new experience. He was fast and his attacks were constant. Zim then charged back with a flurry of kicks letting his PAK legs support him.

"Hey Zim that's cheating" Dib said blocking the kicks.

"What's wrong Dib beast can't defend against the mighty Irkin fighting style?"

"No its just that I only have two arms Space boy but whatever"

The fight continued back and forth neither wanting to admit defeat. It was nice because they could fight each other without the pressure of killing the other. It also allowed them to get out a lot of their pent up aggression for each other.

They both were getting tired and neither had really landed anything and there was still a minute left, then Dib thought of something.

"You know Tak would be laughing if she saw you now not even being able to take down a puny earthling," He said with a smirk. That struck a nerve. Zim let his guard down for a second, which was all Dib needed, quickly he tripped up one of the PAK legs and tackled Zim to the ground with his fist raised for a final blow.

"That was for the PAK legs Zim," he said getting up and helping Zim up to his feet. Zim couldn't have been farther away in his mind then he was. Tak. She was all he could think about, it had started after she had moved in, the whole idea of Tak intrigued him because unlike other things he had met he couldn't read her. She was hostile one moment and nice the next. Most Irkin females looked for a mate then settled down, but not Tak. She was a warrior through and through and a good one at that. He admired her and owed her a great deal for saving his life which still baffled him to no end. The sound of the bell knocked him back to reality.

"That was a disgusting tactic Dib, I must be rubbing off on you," Zim said catching his breath. They both laughed, Dib went to the back and brought 2 Poop sodas which Zim could drink because they only contained chemicals, no water. Then they sat down on opposite weight benches.

"I have to know Zim, do you like Tak," Dib said.

"She is an ally and a member of my race, nothing more" Zim said confidently but quickly.

"Because the way I see it is she really likes you Zim, I just assumed that saving your life constituted as a instant notice, especially since she supposedly hates you and when I said her name during the fight you got this stupid look on your face" he said imitating Zim.

Dib was right; as much as he wanted to vomit admitting that fact to himself she had saved him, lied about Irkin law to do so, and then repairing his wounds. She was the nicest female he had met. All the other females he had known back on Irk made fun of him for his short stature or threatened to kill him. She did that every so often but he knew she wouldn't.

"Let's just say I did have affections of that sort for her how would I go about letting her know THIS IS HYPATHETICAL," he said.

"Well here you would bring her flowers and tell her you like her and that's it"

"Hmmm that's much different then on Irk, there a male must kill another in a death ring match for a females affections I went to watch them a lot," Zim said taking a sip of his Poop soda.

"That's stupid, no that's stupid, stupid sorry Zim but it's a lot easier here"

They talked for the next 3 hours; Zim spoke about his life as a smeet in the military, to operation Impending Doom 1, to his eventual banishment to Foodcourtia, then to his banishment to earth, even showing him the urn engraved in his forearm after coaxing from Dib. Dib spoke of his life growing up with his constantly absent father and his fascination with the paranormal, and living with his sister.

It was late and the conversation was winding down's decided to get back to base and see Tak, not because he had to but because he wanted to. The feeling was strange and unfamiliar to him. Before he got to the door to leave Dib stopped him.

"Hey Zim you like Tak so just go tell her ok stop being your pompous self and talk to her because if you don't my moneys on that she'll kill you," Zim tried to retort but Dib already closed the door.

Walking back home Zim felt something hit him, something he really didn't know, He grabbed roses from a nearby bush that were black for some reason and ran to the base. He couldn't explain why it just felt right. Once he got to the top of the steps his heart was pounding a mile a minute as his hand turned the knob.

He was infatuated with Tak and he knew it she was the perfect female strong of body and will and she was beautiful by all standards. By any random Irkin Male she would be considered too butch to be a mate. But that's what Zim loved about her. A competent female who really didn't care about that.

Love

That was the earth word for it. Love. And tonight he would let her know before his squeedily spooch erupted and all his guts would explode. He walked in.

"Tak"

"Zim"


End file.
